Stock photo says...

“oh hey, what these? oh nothing, just my ultrasound…yeah of my unborn child. OMG! you know I’m pregnant? you are so intuitive! I’m soooo embarrassed, I promised myself I’d never be ‘one of those’ pregnant women. Yeah, I think the word ‘miracle’ is overused but in my case I think it really applies. I mean it was a slow news day for the Daily Show sowhatelseamigonnadorite! Hahah! I wore my shirts like this in college playing lacrosse, so it’s not like the world hasn’t seen my glowing figure before, I’m full figured now right! I feel like those brave women who have to shop at Reitmans. It took a lil’ baby bump to realize that. I’m totally donating my mat clothes to Reitmans after this. They’re a charity right?

“Dude, we’ll grow the weed right in the brownies. We just gotta to set the oven to, like, one, for 6 - 8 weeks.”

(Man thinking) “That chick is totally Netscaping me right now”

Suspenders. You’re doing them wrong

Planted at age 8 when a teacher caught him flipping his underwear inside-out after peeing them Derek’s rage tree had grown to such proportions that there was only one course of action: Kill the entire world.

You dipshits need your own computers

Ya, I get it. A wide-mouth bass is the only fish that could blow you. No, I don’t want to see. Jeez, Bill, we’re gonna eat that later.

…and that’s the field I’ll bury you in if you tell anyone about our special afternoons

Assaulting women in the parkade with his Amélie-inspired puppet resulted in more dates than assaults. Bitches love Amélie.

With the herpes finally under control, and her stalker securely locked away in prison, Maria could finally return to her carefree self again.